Categories
advisories

An open letter to licorice all sorts

Photo by David Edgar - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0

Dear licorice all sorts:

Go to hell.

On the way to hell, scrape some of the blue and pink nuggets off some of your blue and pink pucks and snort them, and get them caught in your sinus, where your nasal secretions will wet them but where they will remain, undissolved and hard and endlessly irritating.

Farther along the way to hell, try and fail to blow the wet blue and pink nuggets into a tissue. As the nuggets remain stuck in your sinus, their blues and pinks unrevealed, shed tears of discomfort and wipe them with your unfulfilled tissue.

Farther still along the way to hell, peel the yellow tube of fondant off one of your licorice cylinders. Put the cylinder between your cheek and gums, and push your tongue into the tube, and feel the dusty, dirty, oily shards of licorice surrounding you on all sides. Feel the stink filling your mouth but do not swallow. Feel as if you will drown in licorice mouth juice.

Do not drown. Breathe uncomfortably through your nose. Tell yourself you are not really drowning. Do not believe yourself. Feel as if you are seconds away from your first lungful of your own stained saliva.

Cough. Spit up on yourself. Gasp for air.

When your gasps subside, bite one of your square sandwiches, one that’s white on one side and orange on the other with a squeegee blade of licorice in between. Pretend to taste fruit or vanilla. Realize pretending is futile.

Do not rinse for 30 minutes, nor after 30 minutes.

Sob. Weep. Cry. You’re on the road to hell. Whatever. Fuck you.

Categories
advisories

Hello welcome to the webinar

this is a nothing post, a waste of both our times. sorry.

typing this from my phone. yeah bloggin. yeeeah postin without twitter where am I posting I guess yes you’re right it’s an online community it’s a webinar

hello welcome to the webinar

Categories
ownership

Not publishing any song lyrics here

Two days ago an editor did a post asking writers to stop putting song lyrics in books.

A lot of people replied. The majority were along the lines of "Hey! I’m afraid of lawyers too!" but a few reply guys quoted actual song lyrics.

The reply guys had a point, ugh. Because you can type welcome to the jungle, we’ve got fun and games on the computer, and literally click a button labeled PUBLISH, and zero lawyers will give you any hassles. You can type out the full lyrics to every notable songwriter’s entire catalog, you can even make a whole ass listicle out of nothing but music publishers’ IP, and those music publishers will punish you by leaving you and your web site alone.

Which: that’s pretty good. Nobody ever reads a lyric sheet and, music craving satisfied, decides not to listen to the recording. That is not how music cravings even work, and even music publishers know that.

If you got a big 🐘 let me search ya

It’s not fair to give Laura Poole a hard time about her post. She's an editor, and every time someone types shot through the heart and you’re to blame in a manuscript she’s reviewing, she has to bring in the publishers and their lawyers. Because, somehow, music publishers have persuaded book publishers that copyright works like that.

Copyright does not work like that, or I would not be able to type If you got a big 🐘 let me search ya and click PUBLISH. But I just did.

Why are book publishers persuaded otherwise? All the reply guys in Laura Poole’s thread have opinions but nobody seems to have experience.

So. Time for some experience.

Suppose there were a whole ass novel about getting song lyrics stuck in your head, and about the legal hellfire that brought down on that same head. Would anyone publish that? If Max Martin owned the publishing*?

*If Max Martin hypothetically owned the publishing rights to the song hypothetically stuck in the hypothetical novel’s protagonist’s hypothetical head, which is definitely not about how baby should, one more time, hit you**,

**hypothetically.

Categories
good to look at

Brain blue

Please continue to enjoy colours that are too much for your eyes.

Today you will see a deep blue against a black background, and the blue will be deeply blue but also just as dark as the black. It will somehow be both lightless and rich.

Brain blue, or as it is called by pedants, stygian blue, is what lingers in your mind after you overdo it on yellow. It’s like a bruise and it slightly looks like one, although its blue is truer.

As with brain orange, seeing brain blue is a matter of staring. In the image below you will see a yellow circle with an x in the middle.

Look at the x. When the yellow flips to black, there, in the spot in your mind where the yellow just was, will be blue. There will be no light, but somehow there will be saturation.

Animation with two frames, looping: 1) a yellow circle against white background, and 2) solid black.

Keep staring at the x as the animation repeats. Think about how brain blue is just as dark as black, yet not black. When you have had enough please feel free to go to another web site.

Categories
advisories

Colours to watch for

I plan to do posts in the next few days about brain blue and brain red and brain blue yellow and brain red green.

You will have no trouble seeing brain blue but brain red green will probably be difficult, for you. No offense. Seeing brain red green is harder than being smart, and how many people are good at that not many.

When you do see brain red green, write down how it looks so you can describe it for others.

Others will be grateful for the heads up.

Categories
good to look at

Brain orange

Hello and welcome back to hot sandwich, which you remember fondly and which, because your memory is failing and because every hiatus eventually must herniate, is now back on your computer.

Today on your computer you will see an orange (colour) more orange than any orange (fruit or colour) you have ever seen.

The formal name for what you are about to see is hyperbolic orange, but it is cooler and more accurate to call it brain orange. You are about to see brain orange with your brain, which is the only way to see it, because it is too orange for your eyes.

First: you will see a nice pale blue circle with an x in the middle. Stare at that x. Stare at it as if your continued participation in the meditation retreat depends on it. Which: it does. I am your meditation teacher right now and you can either stare at the x or get the hell off my web site.

After a while: the x and the blue circle will be replaced by a square of pure orange. You will see a phantom circle inside that orange, and the phantom orange will be more orange than the orange square. The phantom orange is brain orange.

The animation loops. Keep staring at the x. The brain orange will grow more impossibly orange with each repetition.

Animation with two frames, looping: 1) a cyan circle against white background, and 2) solid orange.

After a long time please feel free to go to another web site.